I Love You

clocking out @ 23:25

Friday had been drama. Bad luck from Friday the 13th didn't just fall on a Friday for me this year. It seemed to have happened the entire week. And I really hate that feeling of letting him get to me that easily. I didn't think I had done or hadn't done anything at all in the first place. But he always have a way to make me feel like the problem was me.

Anyway, I have learnt well from the entire eventful week and pretty much know who shouldn't I trust.

I will learn from his mistakes.

clocking out @ 08:59

I can perfectly understand how when the top puts pressure on him, he pushes the pressure down at us. I have no complains on that. I understand when he wants us to always be on our feet and get things moving out fast because there are too many things on (his) our plates. And I respect that he is an individualist, a perfectionist and a miser of encouraging words.

But I totally cannot tolerate a team leader who shames his man in front of the other teams and leaves his man behind to fend for himself. He made a fool out of himself, he made a fool out of his man, and he made the others totally lose confidence in his team, and in turn, in his man's work. His man's work, of which a lot of effort was put into, even though he only credited him with all the "what have not been done" & "why isn't it moving" rather than all the "what have been done".

I expected some good from him and had always defended him when others think otherwise. And had always thought that I would be the last man standing. But this time, he totally disappointed me.

clocking out @ 19:15

Before I forget, I have to jot this down:
1. Lapland
2. Kiruna
3. Reindeer sleigh
4. Ice Hotel

=AURORA!

clocking out @ 15:58

Reminder to self: Require precise and accurate timeline from him next time. Span of "soon" = 1 weekend.

OMG.

This feels like playing Singles in a match when you can't even do a drop shot and a net.
Unprepared.

clocking out @ 15:55

Remembering.....

....how it feels like to wake up in the morning at 5.45am to get ready for school
....the smell of the morning fresh air at 6.20am when you step out of the house to walk to the bus stop for 322
....how wonderful the smell was
....the morning dew on the window of dad's car and writing "hello!" as I walk down the lane
....arriving at school nearly 7am and leaving my bag in class before morning assembly
....arriving in school early to sweep the floor before 6.45am, before Mdm Chua arrives in school and having Mdm Chua pop in to do spot check.
....having lor mai kai 3 out of 5 days of the week, minced meat noodles 1 out of 5 days of the week, and Choc Yan Yan 1 out of 5 days of the week

I really miss school.

clocking out @ 21:15

It had been hard for the past few days. Knowing, yet unable to control, prevent or help in any way-that feeling was really really horrible. The emotional stress . which was really unneccesary now that I must say, almost wrecked lives. You'll never be able to understand how it had been like to see distraught and how it felt like to have to convince everybody and yourself on something that you were not even sure of. It felt so wrong that I allowed something to happen, even though there were barely anything I could do in the first place, it's as though I'm not protecting them well enough. That heart breaking scene in the morning just kept repeating and repeating and repeating in my head. It's just too much!

The final diagnosis proved that it was a false alarm, and I'm just too glad that all those emotional stress ended with relief. But I hope i'll never have to see those helpless, pained faces again.

clocking out @ 02:37

22 Oct 09
2nd year anniversary at work.

You'll never know when She decides it's time for you to stop living altogether.

clocking out @ 11:19

I meant me!

I'd asked God the wrong question last weekend.

Pls let me take it all back...

clocking out @ 23:49

Happy flower helps light up the room.

clocking out @ 20:52

Work is an energy zapper. I'm a 25 yrs old haggard woman with dark eye rings and very bad eye bags.

clocking out @ 23:48

Maximum cuteness!!

Labels: Chloe

clocking out @ 12:09

1 year 11 months

......I chose not to work hard enough.......I feel that I have become even more dependent on others for decisions and directions in terms of work and life.

Many times, I feel that I don't really know what I want in this life time exactly........I remember myself to be much more spontaneous and enthusiastic with the things that I do.I had been reminded of me being so just recently.....Sadly, I have been noticing this "degradation" for the longest time. Yet I have no strength and motivation to move out of it....

nobody is indispensible......On good days, I feel that I have plans and motivation to do the best that I can. But these good days very quickly fade away.......

"not worth it"......

I am still floating around and letting the waves carry me along, hoping that it will eventually bring me somewhere.......

I must learn to start steering on my own.

clocking out @ 23:56

Can never get the half boiled eggs right. Wasted 2 eggs tonight. zzz...

clocking out @ 22:32

Labels: Chloe

clocking out @ 21:29

June 2003; July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; September 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; April 2005; May 2005; June 2005; July 2005; August 2005; September 2005; October 2005; November 2005; December 2005; January 2006; February 2006; March 2006; April 2006; May 2006; June 2006; July 2006; August 2006; September 2006; October 2006; November 2006; December 2006; January 2007; February 2007; March 2007; April 2007; May 2007; June 2007; July 2007; August 2007; September 2007; October 2007; November 2007; December 2007; January 2008; February 2008; March 2008; April 2008; May 2008; June 2008; July 2008; August 2008; September 2008; October 2008; November 2008; December 2008; January 2009; February 2009; March 2009; April 2009; May 2009; June 2009; July 2009; August 2009; September 2009; October 2009; November 2009;